Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
