Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
