ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
