In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
