i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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