Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
