how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
