He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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