No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
