I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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