Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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