It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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