I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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