Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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