halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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