why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
