I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
