Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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