I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize