Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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