PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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