She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
