he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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