My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
