I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
