The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
