Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
