I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
