I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He? As in you personified your dick?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
