let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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