Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize