it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
