70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
