she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize