what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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