he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
