We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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