I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize