every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
