you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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