And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize