Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
