THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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