dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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