I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
