just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
