Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize
