Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
