Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
