i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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