My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
