Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
