Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
