I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
