Me. At least after what I've been through.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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