I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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