Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize