Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
