if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
