I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize