This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
