Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
