i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My feet surprised me
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