After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
