haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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