oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
