he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
