No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
