his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
