So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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