It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
