Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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