I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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