I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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