He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize