mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize